I’ve Moved.

Just a quick note, because the blog url I chose for this got to be too much of a hassle for me…

I’ve moved. From now on, I’ll be at http://goghgreen.blogspot.com

And baby makes three!

Yesterday, Jake and I decided we were going to share our exciting news with the world!

We are expecting our first child around November 3, 2010.

We’ve known since February 22, 2010.  I’m currently 7 weeks along, today.  It’s still really early, and I’m nervous to lose it, but we decided we would share the joy with everyone, and ask for prayers too.  We believe in God, and miracles, which we believe this pregnancy to be to us.

I have wanted children ever since I was a little girl.  No joke.  I’m the oldest of four 5 kids, and the oldest of 16 cousins on my mom’s side.  I have always loved babies.  When one of my cousins and I were younger, we would pretend we just had babies and we would care for them… and it just never stopped. I couldn’t wait.

However, ever since I hit puberty, I knew something was “wrong.”  I was totally irregular with cycles, but tried not to worry about it.  I had other random physical symptoms I tried to just ignore, until I met my husband and fell in love.  Then, I realized how serious things were and how scary the possibility that we might never have a child together would really be.

I have a few close friends who have fertility issues and were already seeing doctors, and found out some of my family members on my father’s side did as well.  After one of my friends who had problems conceiving became pregnant, she really urged me to seek a specialist.  Scared as I was, I did.

They told me I most likely had PCOS (Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome), though they never “officially” diagnosed me, if you will.  They decided that this fit, seeing as how my cycles were totally irregular (in 2008 I had one the whole year), and I had some of the other symptoms as well.  So began the journey.

They tried Clomid. They discovered that, aside from the nasty side-effects, it had no affect on my ovaries.

The next time, they tried Tamoxifen, another oral medication.  I had hope it was working, but it didn’t.

Then came two cycles of using Letrizol, another oral medication, coupled with an hCG “trigger” shot. The first time they administered it to me.   The second time Jake (my husband) did.

The cycles before this last one I was really stressed out and anxious. I couldn’t wait to take a pregnancy test, and cried so hard when they came back negative.

Oddly enough, this last cycle, I was relaxed, and felt almost as if it wasn’t as pressing an issue.

On February 22, I took a test, on a whim.  I was so certain I was going to get my cycle the next day that I took it just to prove to myself I was right and it was coming.  I was in total shock and utter disbelief when the test read “PREGNANT.”  I left it in the bathroom and came back three times before taking a photo and telling my husband.

I wish I had some exciting way to end this, other than to say that we are so fortunate, so blessed, and so thankful that our miracle has finally arrived.

For those of you out there who, like I had at many times, feel hopeless, broken, or that it may never happen, I pray that you do not lose hope.   I know it’s hard.  I know it’s hard to watch everyone else around you enjoy what you want most in the world.

I have a great group of four friends who struggled with fertility issues.  All have had children, or are pregnant.   They were my shining light of hope.

If you need someone, I’m here.

Up and Down.

Today has been a long Monday. Not a “bad” Monday, just long.

I have pants that won’t stay up.  For some reason, I didn’t think to put a belt on this morning, and they have been falling down all day.  It creates a problem at work when you’re carrying babies around and trying to make sure you don’t expose the world to your tucas.

I have puppies that won’t stay down.  They try to climb all over me every time I sit down in the house.  Now, they’re cute and lovable, but I’m more than ready for them to find new homes.

On Saturday I found Vivian a new home, where she will have everything she needs to be happy, because it seemed I just couldn’t be a perfect mommy for her.  She kept peeing in the house because I didn’t have time to come home during the day and let her out and get up in the middle of the night to let her out, but within an hour of posting an ad on Craigstlist, someone responded and was a perfect fit.  I met the family, and felt comfortable leaving my (fur) baby girl with them.

I sold a 20×30 in print in my etsy shop today, and it’s going to China. That’s pretty stellar.  It’s a larger (obviously) version of this print: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=25636574

And… I have to go to the bathroom, and relax. I’m so tired.

He’s a Sweet Man.

Normally, when I wake up in the bed alone, knowing that my husband is in the house, I wake up a little grumpy.

I came into the living room this morning to find him holding down Wendell and Vivian on the couch with him, fully dressed, half asleep.  And the puppies in the kennel sleeping.

At 10:00am.

And he said, “I kept them quiet for you so you could sleep in.”

I love the smell of warm bread.

I baked bread this morning. No, not from scratch, but rather, a frozen loaf from Schwan’s that Jake thawed out and I baked. I had actually forgotten about it. He set it out to thaw yesterday, and then I put it in the oven with a note that says “take me out of the oven if you turn the oven on,” attached to the door handle.

Well this morning I turned on the oven with it in there, I don’t even remember what I was going to make, and soon enough, since I hadn’t noticed the note, the aroma of warm bread filled the house.

Can’t complain, really.

It tasted pretty good too.

This morning, also, I got up early to shower, because I knew that the city inspector and the rental company were both coming, I thought around nine, so that they could check out the mold we found in the basement and decide what to do about it.

Well, at 8:02am, while I was all wet and in my robe, some random guy from the rental company shows up. Then a little while later, while I was using the bathroom, after the rental guy left, the city inspector showed up. I hope that’s not going to set the tone for the entire day. Yikes.

I just felt like blogging.

I’m sitting at home, chilling on the couch, and for some strange reason, I had an urge to “blog.”

Have I ever mentioned I hate the word “blog?”  Anyone know where it came from.

Anyway, I sit here, flip-flops on my feet, checking out my tattoo and realizing how amazing it is that I had the guts to get it.  I am still proud of myself every time I see it.  I also love seeing it and being reminded of the bond I have with Tarah, the cousin who has the exact same tattoo as I.  We’re very similar and completely different at the same time.

On my left side, I have four beagle puppies, sprawled out on the couch, absolutely exhausted from chasing Wendell around the living room.  On my right side, there’s one.  Beneath my feet, there are another two.  I keep reminding myself not to put my feet down or I’ll step on them.  Across the room, lying behind Vivian, is the eighth puppy, also sleeping.  I’m basking in the quiet while it exists, because it could be a matter of seconds before they’re all awake and running like mad again.   You just never know.

I’m getting attached to the puppies, but I’m also getting ready for them to go.  Having 10 beagles in your house all the time is a lot of work!

I love the Olympics.  I can’t wait for another hour until they’re back on.  I don’t even know what events are taking place tonight, but I’m still excited to watch a while.

Last night, my dad, in a particularly random comment, said to me, “Sam is just like you were, when she sits on the computer singing her heart out like no one is listening.  I love it.”

I smiled and laughed, remembering how that was the case when I lived there, and is sometimes still the case now.

Then, he said, “And now that Allison has a guitar and wants to learn, she’s just like you too.”

I smiled again.

And then he said, “it’s almost like you didn’t leave.  Or when you did, you left behind two of yourself for me to enjoy every day.”

Aww.  I blushed, I’m sure, and gave him a big ol’ hug.  It made my day to hear that.

Vivian is snoring now, Wendell is asleep in the rocking recliner, so I think I’m going to go get a snack and catch up on reading.  I was inspired by my dear friend Randi to have a reading goal for the year, and I’m copying her 50 book idea.  I’m currently in the process of reading book number 5, In the Merde for Love by Stephen Clarke.  It’s pretty good so far, so we’ll see how long it holds my attention.

And here ends my random babbles.

Snow Day!

My wonderful father gave my sisters permission to miss a few days of school last week, in exchange for some quality time with me, their older sister.

On Saturday, a big, fat, fluffy-flake snowfall caught us totally by surprise, but, seeing as how we’re a jolly trio, we thought it a great opportunity to get outside and take some photos.

Well, as is usually the case, taking photos outside turned to play.  That turned to laughter.  It all turned to a great memory!

Here are a few of my favorite photos from our play in the snow, but all of them can be seen by clicking right here.

Samantha made this adorable little snowball, so we took our picture with it. Here I am!

Here is Samantha, creator of said snowball.

Here's Allison with the snowball!

A friend shared an image a few days ago, and it inspired this photo of myself, and the next few of my sisters, as well.

Samantha had a few troubles trying to blow the snow out of her hands, and laughed a lot.

Allison became a snow pro.

I got Allison over the head with a nice wad of snow!

Samantha and I tried to hit Allison with snowballs, while she was holding my camera. We failed.

At the end, Allison got a nice big hug from Samantha.

They’re going home tomorrow, and I’m going to miss them so much!

Adventures in Puppy-Ville

As you know, I think, I have 10 beagles at my house right now. Two of them are adults, and, well, we failed at keeping them from having babies, and now there are 8, one month old beagle pups at our house.

While they’re super cute, and hilarious, they’re also kind of a pain in the butt. There are a few that are addicted to pulling on the power cord for the tv, and they shut off and reset the television pretty much every time we let them out of the kennel to play.

They’re also starting to go potty in the house, so I have set up a mop bucket station right in the living room to catch all the piddles as they happen.

They’re really noisy, now, too. There are barks, growls, squeals, and the least favorite, whines, all the time. And since they’re daring, they seem to get hurt and cry really loudly, pretty regularily too.

But it’s not all bad. They’re super cute, of course, and like I said, hilarious. The littlest one, that I call “Lila” is feisty as heck, and picks fights with the bigger ones. There’s always wrestling going on when they’re awake, and it’s really funny to watch.

When they’re sleeping, they’re all in a giant pile. They had taken up a favorite residence, right underneath the piano, and then found the heater, and piled up on the floor in front of there. My brother in law decided it’d be smart to just move the kennel in front of the heater, so now that’s their favorite spot.

Here are a few random photos of the puppy party that keeps going, and going… and going.

This was a few weeks ago, before Wendell was totally freaked out by the puppies.

Lila, the smallest one, has a problem getting in and out of the kennel on her own, though it's getting better.

Murphy and Charlie wrestle and fight almost all day long, it seems.

If my coat gets hung on the doorknob, they love to sleep on it.

This one, Ellie, cracks me up. If I'm on the couch, she comes begging to get up on my lap. Tonight she wedged herself down in between the pillow and the arm of the couch and slept for a really long time!

Saturday Morning Babbles

I realized I hadn’t updated in a while, so I thought I would send a quick one through this morning while I wait for my clothes to dry.

Jake and I are meeting a former colleague of mine and her husband for lunch this afternoon. I haven’t seen her since September of 2008, except maybe a short time or two when I stopped back up in the office at WCA. I’ve always really liked her, so it’ll be fun to see each other again!

She and her husband are expecting their first child in July. They had fertility issues too, and through the same doctor I’m using now, are finally becoming parents! So, she wants to give me some leftover IF stuff she has because she really wants us to become parents too. It’s so sweet and selfless of her and I’m not sure how to thank her for the extra possibilities.

Then we’re going to help celebrate our friend’s birthday, which is tomorrow, and we haven’t seen her or her husband in a long time, though I see her at work sometimes I guess, and it sucks. I feel badly about it, but it’s so hard when Jake (my husband) works ridiculously long hours and doesn’t have time off during the week to do anything with me, let alone other people.

Then every other weekend he works on Saturday, and lately he’s been working extra Saturdays, so then we have to try to divide up what very little free time we have for other people, and ourselves. We finally took a stand for ourselves and our marital relationship and have spent more time lately just the two of us, which I think has offended or upset some people, but it just has to be done.

He left me a really sweet note the week after I got back from the Landmark Forum (by the way, it helped my soul and my mind greatly, and I think anyone who can should attend). I had just gone to the specialist to see what we’d do this month, and came home to this:

So, when I was home sick the other day as a side effect of the medications they gave me killing my head, I left him a few all over the house.

Let’s see, what else… puppies! We found homes for two of the beagle pups, who are now a month old and funny as heck! So now there are three boys, and three girls left that we are selling. They’ll be available the first weekend in March, tentatively.

They’ve become obsessed with socks and what not, and I refuse to keep my feet on the floor because they attack them and chew on them and it drives me crazy. They also tried to climb in the dishwasher yesterday.

Did you know that children, age three, laugh, on average, 350 times a day? Adults laugh, on average, 7. So I was told last weekend at a workshop I went to for work. How sad is that?

Luckily, my husband gave me one great laugh already this morning.

I might get my masters degree. I cant’ believe I said that, but it’s true.

Okay, it’s getting long. <3

Timing Frustrates Me

Infertility.  Often not talked about.

More people suffer from infertility than you might realize, though.

I’m one of those people.  They’re currently deciding that I have Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome.  Loads of fun.

After three years of marriage, we had no baby, so after enough heartache going at it alone, we decided it was time for me to see a specialist.  So, we have been.

Having assistance with conception is frustrating in a different way than trying unassisted.  For example, if I do not get my period by 6pm tonight, then the earliest I can have it is Saturday, in order for me to be available to go to the doctor on day 2, 3, or 4 for an ultrasound, so they can check and see if I developed any cysts from the breast cancer medications they gave me to cause me to ovulate.  And if I don’t get my period today, or I get it before Saturday, then I have to skip an entire month of doctoring and basically start over.

I was told it’s easier to go without a break and your chances are higher than if you break up the doctoring and skip cycles.

So, naturally, I’m stressed out and on edge.

Conceiving a child, when you’re actually trying, is frustrating, let me tell you.  It’s all about days, hours, timing, cycles, medications, ultrasounds, shots, blood work, and the like, when you’re working with a doctor anyway.

It’s about getting your hopes way up.

And having them come crashing down again.

I told my husband this morning that I’m not sure how long I can handle this.  When we weren’t doctoring, I didn’t have as much hope, so the fall didn’t hurt as bad.  But I’m afraid, now, that it won’t take long before I break.